Today is my husband and I's anniversary. We have been married 3 years now sometimes it seems like longer and other times it seems like yesterday that we got married.
When we got married our son was 2 months old. It sounds so weird to me now to think we were not even married when he was born. When we found out we were going to have a baby it was QUITE a surprise to say the least. I was living with my best friends, having the time of my life. Then, with one little blue line, my whole life changed in an instant. Jamie and I hadn't even talked about getting married before this point, we were really not even that serious, we loved each other but we were no way ready to go to the next step! Much less have a kid! lol
at a George Straight concert in '08
My family wanted me to get married right then, but I was so unsure about everything. I was scared, confused, and didn't really know what to do, but I didn't want to get married because of what everyone else was telling me to do. That is how I saw it then.
about to pop 2 weeks before Carter was born
Then we had Carter, and that in its self was so life changing, at that point I didn't know who I was, I had a baby, (whoa.) living with my (by this time) fiance (double whoa), unmarried (what?). It was almost as if I was living outside of my body looking in. How did I get to this point, I felt like I had no control of my life, and I started blaming myself for being so careless and getting pregnant without being married. I thought
this is not the life I was supposed to have. I was feeling really sorry for myself. But at the same time I kept it all inside. From the outside, my life looked really fantastic, like it was everything I had wanted. But I felt really alone.
Easter 3 years ago
Things were... different the first few months of being married, we had a tiny baby, and had to adjust to getting to know one another and rely on each other for everything, and learn to put the other one first, which was very hard for the both of us in the beginning, and still is sometimes.
I still had these same feeling of
things should be different, Jamie should do this or that and everything would be better. Because of this I was not a good wife, and didn't even know how to be one. Jamie had not been a bad husband, during this time, he did the best he could, learning as he went, I just kept thinking
its not good enough, if only he was like this or that.
I was raised in church in a Christian home, I knew that there had to be a solution for how I was feeling and needed God to help me because I could not change my mentality on my own. I had tried for a while and it wasn't changing. I felt like I had failed God by not following His will in the first place and having Carter before we were married, so this was just the way I was going to have to live. I was stuck in a totally downer state of mind, if you will.
Then I went to a bible study with my mom at church, this completely changed me. I realized, that nothing happens beyond what God wants to allow. Jamie was the one that God had meant for me to be with otherwise he wouldn't have allowed us to have Carter. Even though it wasn't the way God would have had us go about it, he still allowed it. After realizing this, it was like a weight was lifted off, and I knew that I needed to ask God to change myself, and to stop looking at how I felt in the situation. I was putting my own feeling before anything else and as a wife, that is not how God wants me to be. I also realized that I needed to really seek God's Word, for my life to be completely happy. I always "knew" this growing up in church, but never really put it into practice. And what a difference it makes! I have changed because of this, not so much on the outside, I still am who I am, but on the inside. I no longer struggle with myself, thinking,
oh things should be a certain way then I will be happy. Our life is exactly how God intended it to be, and instead of focusing on how I think it should be, I now focus on the present and how I can make it the very best. I love Jamie so much, I always did, but I was consumed with my own selfish feelings that I didn't make him my top priority. By doing this it has made such a difference in our marriage.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18) I want to make Jamie happy and be there for him in every way, with respect, and encouragement.
I still fail at this, sometimes I get upset and think ah if only he would do exactly what I want! lol, but then I am reminded... Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

Last year, Jamie wanted a new dog, he basically claimed the dog without going over it with me and I was protesting and "putting my foot down". I did not want another dog to clean up after, to feed, and it was a Chihuahua. All I thought was a little yappy dog always barking and, I just said no. I was really mad about the whole thing. Well then God reminded me that Jamie is the head of the house and I should go with what he wants. So I changed my heart, and said, if that is what he wants even though I don't, then so be it. And let me tell you, our little Chihuahua never makes a peep! He is the quietest dog I've ever known. lol. and the sweetest and I couldn't imagine our family without him. I know that it is a really silly example, but to me it is just a little reminder of the blessings that come by doing what God wants.

Today is our 3 year anniversary and I am happier now than I ever have been in our marriage, and I know that it is because of God! It is not always perfect because I am not perfect, but at least I know and believe that there is a right way and when I am following the will of God things are much better. I still have a lot to learn but I have a target to aim for, you know.
And here is to every year getting better and BETTER! :) Thank you Lord!
Ok, this was pretty long and personal, if you're still there I hope I didn't scare you off! ;)
