Wednesday, March 21, 2012

happy anniversary... thanks to God

Today is my husband and I's anniversary.  We have been married 3 years now sometimes it seems like longer and other times it seems like yesterday that we got married.
When we got married our son was 2 months old. It sounds so weird to me now to think we were not even married when he was born.   When we found out we were going to have a baby it was QUITE a surprise to say the least.  I was living with my best friends, having the time of my life.  Then, with one little blue line, my whole life changed in an instant.  Jamie and I hadn't even talked about getting married before this point, we were really not even that serious, we loved each other but we were no way ready to go to the next step! Much less have a kid! lol
at a George Straight concert in '08
My family wanted me to get married right then, but I was so unsure about everything. I was scared, confused, and didn't really know what to do, but I didn't want to get married because of what everyone else was telling me to do.  That is how I saw it then.
about to pop 2 weeks before Carter was born
Then we had Carter, and that in its self was so life changing, at that point I didn't know who I was, I had a baby, (whoa.) living with my (by this time) fiance (double whoa), unmarried (what?).  It was almost as if I was living outside of my body looking in.  How did I get to this point, I felt like I had no control of my life, and I started blaming myself for being so careless and getting pregnant without being married.  I thought this is not the life I was supposed to have.  I was feeling really sorry for myself.  But at the same time I kept it all inside.  From the outside, my life looked really fantastic, like it was everything I had wanted. But I felt really alone.
Easter 3 years ago
Things were... different the first few months of being married, we had a tiny baby, and had to adjust to getting to know one another and rely on each other for everything, and learn to put the other one first, which was very hard for the both of us in the beginning, and still is sometimes.
I still had these same feeling of things should be different, Jamie should do this or that and everything would be better.   Because of this I was not a good wife, and didn't even know how to be one.   Jamie had not been a bad husband, during this time, he did the best he could, learning as he went, I just kept thinking its not good enough, if only he was like this or that.
I was raised in church in a Christian home, I knew that there had to be a solution for how I was feeling and needed God to help me because I could not change my mentality on my own.  I had tried for a while and it wasn't changing. I felt like I had failed God by not following His will in the first place and having Carter before we were married, so this was just the way I was going to have to live.  I was stuck in a totally downer state of mind, if you will.

Then I went to a bible study with my mom at church, this completely changed me.  I realized, that nothing happens beyond what God wants to allow.  Jamie was the one that God had meant for me to be with otherwise he wouldn't have allowed us to have Carter. Even though it wasn't the way God would have had us go about it, he still allowed it.   After realizing this, it was like a weight was lifted off, and I knew that I needed to ask God to change myself, and to stop looking at how I felt in the situation.  I was putting my own feeling before anything else and as a wife, that is not how God wants me to be.  I also realized that I needed to really seek God's Word, for my life to be completely happy.  I always "knew" this growing up in church, but never really put it into practice.  And what a difference it makes!  I have changed because of this, not so much on the outside, I still am who I am, but on the inside.  I no longer struggle with myself, thinking, oh things should be a certain way then I will be happy.  Our life is exactly how God intended it to be, and instead of focusing on how I think it should be, I now focus on the present and how I can make it the very best.  I love Jamie so much, I always did, but I was consumed with my own selfish feelings that I didn't make him my top priority.  By doing this it has made such a difference in our marriage. The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make  a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18)  I want to make Jamie happy and be there for him in every way, with respect, and encouragement.   I still fail at this, sometimes I get upset and think ah if only he would do exactly what I want! lol, but then I am reminded... Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)
Last year, Jamie wanted a new dog, he basically claimed the dog without going over it with me and I was protesting and "putting my foot down". I did not want another dog to clean up after, to feed, and it was a Chihuahua.  All I thought was a little yappy dog always barking and, I just said no.  I was really mad about the whole thing.  Well then God reminded me that Jamie is the head of the house and I should go with what he wants.  So I changed my heart, and said, if that is what he wants even though I don't, then so be it. And let me tell you, our little Chihuahua never makes a peep! He is the quietest dog I've ever known. lol. and the sweetest and I couldn't imagine our family without him.  I know that it is a really silly example, but to me it is just a little reminder of the blessings that come by doing what God wants.

Today is our 3 year anniversary and I am happier now than I ever have been in our marriage, and I know that it is because of God!   It is not always perfect because I am not perfect, but at least I know and believe that there is a right way and when I am following the will of God things are much better. I still have a lot to learn but I have a target to aim for, you know.

And here is to every year getting better and BETTER! :)  Thank you Lord!


Ok, this was pretty long and personal, if you're still there I hope I didn't scare you off! ;)


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13 comments:

  1. Tears! Everything is FROM HIM and BY HIM and FOR HIM. Glory belongs to Him forever! Amen! Romans 11:36 Lots of Love to a precious family!

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  2. Happy Anniversary! I got teary eyed reading this wonderful post! God bless you guys and I wish you many more years of happiness in His will and for His glory!

    Barbara @ chase-thestar.blogspot.com

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  3. A Very Happy Anniversary! This post I can SO relate to. Not about the early pregnancy, but some of the other parts. I myself am arriving at that "better place" and I know it is God who is getting me there!

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  4. Happy Anniversary! I can't go over how much I love, love, love your wedding dress and the final pic of you three is adorable! Great for sharing such a raw and beautiful story!

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  5. Happy anniversary. What a wonderful story and you have certainly learned a valuable lesson early on. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and believe me we still have lots to learn in keeping a marriage happy and healthy. It is a wonderful journey. I love your wedding photos, by the way.

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  6. Happy anniversary! You all are the cutest family we know...Cory & I just adore all 3 of you. I am really lucky to have you as a friend because you are so inspiring being the wonderful woman of God that you are. I could not agree more that God intended you to be with Jaime...and upon question, please refer back to my "cutest family" comment above..hehehe...Oh and I LOVE the last family photo. ADORABLE!

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  7. Thank you for sharing your story. God is SO GOOD. Blessings to you and your family.

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  8. stopping by from the blog hop and I'm your newest follower! Your honesty and transparency in this post is so refreshing! God is good!!

    Viv at bigkfam.blogspot.com

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  9. Great pictures and story. Thanks for sharing!

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  10. What a beautiful story!! I love it and all your pictures are amazing. Such a cute family :)

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  11. First of all, amazing wedding dress, I love it!! Second of all, boy can I understand! Our son was 4 months old on our wedding day. I am a believer and never had my life planned out this way. We did talk about marriage before hang, but not like this! I didn't want to be married & have a kid! Our first year of marriage was SO hard. I did some of the same things you were talking about here. I put expectations on my husband that he didn't even know about so he 'failed' me without even knowing it. Once I started to look at myself and see the changes I needed to make it was a world of difference! I am soooo blessed with my husband, because I made all the mistakes & bad choices to not get a good man and yet, the lord blessed me with him anyway! It's all from the Lord! So nice to 'meet' you! Stopping by from Mique's 30 handmade days!

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  12. Your little family is so cute! I love your blog and am excited to follow you!

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  13. Hi Kimberly- just wanted to say thanks for linking up to my special About Me Pity Party last week. Thanks for linking up this personal post and congrats on 3 years!! Your family is adorable. I love all the pics. And I have to say- my life isn't at all what I planned. In some ways it's much better and in other ways, it's just dang hard. But I feel blessed. Thanks again for linking up!

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